originally posted may 18, 2000

i survived a year at CMU

and all you get is this lousy report

Here I am, amidst a mass of wires, bags and boxes. I call it my room, and it's the source of this year-end wrap-up. It has been a year without equal, the first time that I've been away from home for such an extended period. I've seen and experienced new things on all fronts. Let's review, shall we?

academia

Let's start with the boring stuff first. As those of you who have read my anecdotes in about me know, I'm no stranger to academic hardships. It was fully four years ago when I first took a math course that was way over my head, and I have had that experience as precedent ever since. Carnegie Mellon's computer science program has a very simple first year program: in the first semester they break you in, and in the second semester they break you. The first semester was certainly very intense, but it seemed like a cakewalk as I stayed up until all hours of the night this semester to attempt to get all my homework done.

Still, like last semester, what helped me most was the ability to collaborate with friends on particularly difficult assignments. My programming course actually encouraged students to work in pairs for the mutual benefit of the students and graders -- although it didn't seem to improve turnaround times any. Meanwhile, my hellish discrete math course would have been even more of a disaster had I not met people who actually understood the material. Still, the courses certainly taught a lot of material in a short span of time.

The CS program also serves as a great equalizer. I have worked with students who came from special magnet high schools, who graduated at or near the top in their class, and who otherwise had impeccable credentials, and from all of these groups I have met students who have struggled with the materials taught in class. Past credentials don't mean jack when you head off to college -- fortunately, not once did I hear a student protest "But I graduated with highest honors!" in response to getting a C on an assignment. As opposed to Syosset High School, a public institution where an A paper in an advanced English class is good enough to scrub a table with, Carnegie Mellon teaches quickly that a B in a course isn't just a decent grade, it's something to strive for. Tactics like whining and grade-grubbing that work in high school certainly have no place once you're taking intense university classes. I certainly saw that some people had trouble making the transition, but most were able to adapt quickly. That may also be one of the intangibles that the Office of Admission looks for when selecting students: it is apparently possible to be too sheltered -- to come from an environment where competition and academic standards are simply unrealistic. To come from a school where, say, students are graded not on an A-to-F scale but on an "Excellent" to "Very Good" scale can quite simply induce feelings of confusion, then self-worthlessness and ultimately depression into a student. Going to CMU for a year can make someone feel very stupid, but also affirm that student's position in the academic world. Having a 3.0 GPA at CMU is a lot more desirable than I would have thought in high school.

personal life

Well, going to a school that's some 60% male, in a department that's nearly 80% male, provides at least a bit of impedance to finding my other half. Of course, it makes no sense to hide behind statistics. Many other factors contributed to my perpetual inability to find a long-term relationship, and inhibitions still lead the list. Of course, it's not like I haven't been trying, but certain new wrinkles have been thrown in.

most male departments		most female departments
90.0%	Physics	69.7%	Psychology
85.4%	Electrical and Computer Engineering	66.7%	Bachelor of Humanities and Arts
79.7%	Computer Science	63.4%	English
76.2%	Mechanical Engineering	59.4%	Music
72.1%	Economics	58.8%	Modern Languages
Courtesy The Tartan, April 24, 2000

As I wrote earlier, I have been cautioned against intra-departmental dating. As a result, one of my goals for next year is to put myself into situations where I can meet people of all departments. Of course, that's not to say it's impossible to find satisfaction within one's department. I've met several happy couples who share majors.

And then, of course, there enters the possibility of relationships failing for purely logistical reasons. Call me sheltered, call me naïve, but the fact is that before I came to college, I had not personally known an openly gay, lesbian or bisexual person. I now know several. Unfortunately, the first such person I met was someone that I was never on terribly good terms with. This fact, coupled with the fact that I hadn't known any openly bisexual people beforehand, prompted some friends to label both me and my comments about him to be homophobic. I personally don't consider myself to be any more homophobic than the next guy, but being in an environment in which people can be very open about their sexuality can be a bit discomforting to a formerly sheltered guy like myself. Now, I've worked in both academic and professional capacities and become friends with people of all lifestyles. Personally, I think it makes me a Better Person (tm) to have expanded my horizons to include all people of all types, even if my personal lifestyle doesn't change so radically.

on the 'net

Carnegie Mellon is known for its high-speed Internet connection, although it gained some international notoriety for the administration's suspension of 71 students for sharing MP3's over the Windows "Network Neighborhood" with no or very weak password protection. Nevertheless, services like Napster and Gnutella help to equalize bandwidth (ab)use by both technical and non-technical types. Given the amount of technical knowledge that Carnegie Mellon attracts, it seems like even if CMU bans the use of file-sharing services like Napster, it will hardly be a week before people leak the almighty secret of changing the port or server to work around the ban.

Meanwhile, on a personal note, the use of the Internet continues to play an active part in my life. The existence of this very web site and the domain to which it will soon be very closely tied (no more redirects) is an example of that. I've also been very active with AOL Instant Messenger and ICQ, using them not only to keep in touch with people who live hundreds of miles away, but with those who go to the same school with me. In the past academic year, the woman with whom I've conversed most on AIM lived less than a hundred feet away from me. Likewise, the guy I chatted with most on ICQ lives just a few buildings away. CMU's intra-campus messaging system, Zephyr, also proved very useful for swapping messages with fellow students and TA's. Add IRC onto the entire pile, and there were some moments where I had four means of instant communications -- plus an e-mail client for more traditional messages -- accessible. Keeping up with every message that pops up can be quite a trying ordeal.

conclusions

Starting assignments less than two days before they're due always looks like a good idea on paper.
Every woman in whom I become interested winds up at least 600 miles from me.
True, the non-glasses votes strongly outnumber the with-glasses votes in the web poll. However, those who vote for me with glasses tend to be a lot more passionate about expressing their view.
When an assignment is due in a matter of hours, having a reset button within accidental striking distance of one's foot is a Very Bad Idea (tm).
Putting a six-pack of 24-ounce Mountain Dew bottles on sale is grounds for a criminal negligence lawsuit.
Due to the amount of people registering multiple names, AOL Instant Messenger will soon claim to have more members than the population of the world.
Going from a dual OC-12 digital line to a puny dial-up connection is like trying to stuff all the "World's Strongest Man" competitors into a Honda Civic.

And lastly,

Just because a woman says she likes your web site does not necessarily mean that she likes you.

I'm Jason Weill, and that's year one.

Back to May 2000, or to the year 2000.