originally posted october 23, 2000

jason no well function sleep without

The first two and a half semesters here at Carnegie Mellon are officially over. This weekend, I took advantage of the extended mid-semester break weekend to spend some time with my family back in New York and also catch up on some much needed rest. I also managed to catch the first two games of the World Series, without the alcohol-induced craziness that my suitemates apparently indulged in back in Pittsburgh.

the wrong major?

Of all of the departments in which I've taken courses at Carnegie Mellon, my departmental GPA is worst for Computer Science, my major. My best department so far has been Modern Languages (4.00), my minor department.

Things have been hectic this semester, although I'm proud to say that I have yet to actually pull an all-nighter while here. That's not to say that I haven't needed an all-nighter; there have just been times where my brain just can't have any more work and decides to shut off for the night. Fortunately, with the aid of everyone's favorite snack treats, chocolate covered espresso beans and Penguin Mints, even the longest of nights seems like mere minutes flashing by. Not wanting to crash too quickly, I've restricted my dosage of caffeine to "moderately unhealthy" instead of "completely insane."

One of the reasons why I took desk jobs instead of an errand job this semester was the opportunity to meet more students (and by "students," I of course mean "women") by working in a semi-public setting. By starting to work in the Modern Languages department (among the most female departments in the school) I thought I would be improving my chances.

Statistics lie in the cruelest of ways.

Indeed there are more women in Modern Languages than in most departments at Carnegie Mellon. Although the statistics on Modern Languages majors don't quite tell the story (ten women, seven men) other more female departments often prefer language courses to be used as electives. However, there happens to be this one woman who goes to all-female Chatham College and is cross-registered here for one of our new Modern Language On-Line courses. Ever since I started to work the Tuesday evening shift, which overlaps with the weekly French On-Line lecture, she's been trying to make idle conversation with me, harvesting information drop by drop. Apparently she's reached the point where she's fairly confident that I'm not gay, and that I'm probably not seeing anyone. In fact, last week she all but asked me out.

So why am I not jumping for joy and overreacting positively, like I almost always do in these situations? Simple. I'm not a picky man -- seeing as though I've lasted some 19 years without a relationship, I've been known in moments of desperation to shout "I'll date anything!" or something to that effect. Now I get to eat my words. Even I would not date this woman. Not only is she painful to look at, she also has an abysmal personality and I can just feel our interests clashing.

The bad news: apparently only unattractive, undesirable women find me attractive. The good news: at least this time, I get to be the one to find some inventive way of turning the other person down. Hey, they don't have Internet access at Chatham, do they?

Continuing in that vein, earlier this month Carnegie Mellon's KGB organization decided to "paint the fence," to stake its claim and spread its message on a portion of picket-fence-shaped concrete that has the distinction of being the Most Painted Object On Earth. (It's a CMU tradition.) In so doing, we managed to annoy several organizations: the central administration, for our mocking of Carnegie Mellon's plan to lend space to Intel in the University Center; the artist of The Tartan's "The Fence" comic strip, which looks an awful lot like Penny Arcade; and of course the Delta Delta Delta sorority, who was unable to take the fence during our reign there. (Because the fence is up for grabs as soon as one organization deserts it, tri-Delt had to wait all of 24 hours to take control. That night, one member drunkenly scrawled "KGB Sucks Bad" or something similar on one of the pickets.)

So at the fence, I got to meet some interesting people, drip paint on my nice coat and sneakers, and of course meet Kate, the woman touted at an early KGB meeting as a "geek matchmaker." She goes to Pitt, is engaged to a former KGB member (or "traitor") and specializes in fixing up people with slightly off-kilter social tendencies. After giving her my vital information ("What kind of woman are you looking for?" "Is she female? Is she single?") and my e-mail address, she said that she would give it a try. However, it's been a few weeks, and I'm still waiting. Far be it from me to give up hope, though!

Lastly, redemption greeted me earlier this month. At the School of Computer Science's Earthware Symposium, I saw numerous interesting presentations about the future of technology. Former Sun Microsystems chief and all-around hothead Bill Joy was there, sort of, with a synthetic interview. Ask him questions about topics like the future of technology, and he'll respond with mostly relevant answers. I thought, "Hey, this would make a good story for Slashdot." So I submitted it, hoping that it wouldn't be rejected like so many stories that had been rejected previously, and lo and behold, it was accepted! As a result, this web site recorded 2,400 hits that day. That's still not a record; certain misguided message board postings have generated activity more than three times as heavy, spread across two days.

class by class

With half of the semester gone, here's an update.

15-212, Principles of Programming. SML continues to be the pest that refuses to die, although fortunately I'm not alone in my suffering here. The average on the midterm was an unflattering 55%, with an equally unflattering distribution: not including no-shows, six students scored less than 10% on the test overall. My 84% should hopefully be curved up past the century mark, although terrible performances on homeworks will offset that. The whole mess is a redux of 15-129, the now-defunct Programming and Modern Math course that crammed way too much material into too little time.

33-104, Experimental Physics. The whole course still smacks of "obligatory" -- I probably wouldn't take it if I didn't have to. Still, the material is bearable, if not tedious. The instructor makes things as lively as possible, but the fact remains: this is Physics Lab. No fireworks here, unless they're being analyzed for their precise reactive properties.

36-217, Probability Theory and Random Processes. Stats feels like "15-251 Light," and for that I'm very thankful. Now that I've taken the aforementioned hellish discrete math course, stats feels like a breeze. The TA's are usually helpful, the assignments are manageable but not easy, and the material is usually tied together nicely with real-world case studies. The only times when stats gives me trouble is when a stats assignment and a 212 assignment are due very close to each other. In 212, assignments can be submitted a day late for a 10% grade penalty; in stats, no late work is accepted at all.

82-271, Intermediate Japanese I. Japanese just keeps getting harder and more intense here, although of course I wouldn't have it any other way. The homework remains a factor -- it often takes a back seat to other classes, and many times it's due the day after it's assigned with no "grace period." In any event, it's still an enjoyable class, even considering the volume of work that goes on there.

Back to October 2000, or to the year 2000.